| Diary of a Madwoman - Mrs. 'Crow's Blog of Evil |
From the Phobe Phrodos ArchivesHomemade Sex Toys - Oct 23rd, 2004 11:11:35 pm EST Oh joy! Oh rapture! No need to steal sex toys anymore. (I still will as it is such a thrill.) The Homemade Sex Toys website is giving me so many happy ideas right now. Please be sure to check out the toothbrush section as it is very close to my mouth... er... heart. Oh and I must say from personal experience that Snap, Crackle and Moan is a great way to start any moring.  I dropped by at Farmer Bob's earlier today. I peeked inside the window and saw him fucking the shit out of Gem. I was still bombed from the coffee, so I wasn't quite ready to join. They never lock the house because this town sucks too much for any criminals to bother with visiting it. So I looked around and found a welding torch in the workshop. I eyed the oxygen tank and decided to do a little air huffing. After five minutes of full body tingliness, I felt ready to tackle the universe. In the future, bottled air will be as common as bottled water. Enriched oxygen will come in many brands, scents and formulas. These wonderful products will be recognized as excellent remedies for hangovers, sleeplessness, altitude sickness, boredom, too many drugs, sluggishness, you name it. There will even be a market for air misters and specially-formulated bottled water for those who suffer from dehydration caused by excessive oxygen use. Bottled air will not allowed in restaurants, near open flames or other places where heat might cause problem, in the name of safety. It's a good thing smoking of anything sort in public is pretty much banned in my time period, otherwise spontaneous human combustion might be a distressingly commonplace event. Gotta love the lox! Anyway, once I got my fix, I jogged over to Bob and Gem's love den. Unfortunately, I arrived just as Bob was spooging on her tits. I collapsed on the bed face first, dragged myself up and masturbated while the two babbled something about me knocking or something. I wasn't paying attention, I was too busy enjoying the smell of sex and watching the nakedness around me. Eventually they left. Gem had to work at the strip joint and Bob needed to fix a conveyor belt or something like that. After I came, I went and huffed some more air. Yay. 2:18 AM - Saturday, October 23, 2004 - post comment
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